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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in ensign_amazing's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, November 11th, 2010
9:33 am
92 years today

16 years old when I went to the war,
To fight for a land fit for heroes,
God on my side, and a gun in my hand,
Chasing my days down to zero,
And I marched and I fought and I bled and I died,
And I never did get any older,
But I knew at the time that a year in the line,
Is a long enough life for a soldier,
We all volunteered, and we wrote down our names,
And we added two years to our ages,
Eager for life and ahead of the game,
Ready for history's pages,
And we brawled and we fought and we whored 'til we stood,
Ten thousand shoulder to shoulder,
A thirst for the Hun, we were food for the gun,
And that's what you are when you're soldiers,

I heard my friend cry, and he sank to his knees,
Coughing blood as he screamed for his mother,
And I fell by his side, and that's how we died,
Clinging like kids to each other,
And I lay in the mud and the guts and the blood,
And I wept as his body grew colder,
And I called for my mother and she never came,
Though it wasn't my fault and I wasn't to blame,
The day not half over and ten thousand slain,
And now there's nobody remembers our names,
And that's how it is for a soldier.

(give a fig)

Wednesday, May 26th, 2010
9:45 am
Writer's Block: Cat talk
If your dog or cat had a mobile phone, who would be listed first on her or his speed dial?

I'm hard pressed to think of a dumber question. How did they pick this one? Clearly no human was involved in the selection process, but rather a computer picks a submission completely at random. I think I may start submitting questions that are absolute word salad.

(give a fig)

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010
9:19 am

(give a fig)

Monday, January 18th, 2010
10:00 am
Spam and eggs
Here is the best spam ever, received today:

Subject: Poach eggs, etc
Wednesday, November 25, 2009 10:20 AM
"contato@drywash.com.br" <contato@drywash.com.br>
Add sender to Contacts

In 1661 there was another outbreak.

Hello, i am Shalom Knowles
Try it for the well-being
(a link of suspected naughtiness, apropos of nothing else in this e-mail, was right here)

He gave her a grateful look, but was still expectant and looking for someone.
She brought her face close to her sister in laws and unexpectedly again began to cry.

(2 fignuts | give a fig)

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010
1:56 am

(6 fignuts | give a fig)

Monday, January 4th, 2010
9:35 am
rightly or wrongly, I joined facebook. Since then I've had longer, more freeform post-y ideas better suited for el-jay. Prior to joining, I had a bunch of one-liners mentally prepared for posting better suited for facebook. The moral of the story: I can't win.

Speaking of can't win, facebook, and chuckling to myself....I find bridgetwannabe's new fb friend really funneh.

(4 fignuts | give a fig)

Thursday, December 24th, 2009
5:51 pm
Merry Jingly
Our flight to Las Vegas leaves is set to take off in 14 hours. That's right, once again, it's Christmas in Vegas! Lady Ensign and I will be spending Christmas and her birthday in the hot and sunny cold and windswept Las Vegas! Poker! Gambloring! A whole day of football! Fine Dining! Jerry Seinfeld! Other shows! The works!

Think of us fondly while your trudging through wind and snow to your inlaws, suckers!

(3 fignuts | give a fig)

Wednesday, December 9th, 2009
1:01 pm

"('Jersey Shore' furthers) the popular TV notion that Italian-Americans are gel-haired, thuggish ignoramuses with fake tans, no manners, no diction, no taste, no education, no sexual discretion, no hairdressers (for sure), no real knowledge of Italian culture and no ambition beyond expanding steroid- and silicone-enhanced bodies,"

(1 fignut | give a fig)

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009
2:26 pm
Pet peeve
WHEN YOU ARE CALLING A BUSINESS, FOR BUSINESS REASONS, YOU'RE GREETING SHOULD BE SOME VARIATION OF "This is *your name* calling from *your company*. Is *whoever the fuck you're calling for* available?" I tell you who I am and what company you called, now you do the same, asshole. I'm not transferring some mystery cockface to a coworker without letting them know who it is, and I'm sure as shit not going to know who it is by their voice. And when I ask who it is, "Jennifer" is not a sufficient answer. We deal with many, many people....odds are pretty fucking good there's more than one Jennifer.

(give a fig)

Monday, November 30th, 2009
12:44 pm
thanksgiving full of win
Thanksgiving 2009 is on record as one of the best Thanksgivings in Ensign history. Salisburians came up. They brought with them excellent conversation, a wonderful little girl/engine, and delicious apple pie. Dad and commonlawish stepmom came for food, as did the MIL. FIL fell ill and could not make it, yet everyone got along wonderfully and no one was insulted. Correlation is not causation.

Much delicious food was prepared by Lady Ensign, and many delicious pies were brought by everyone. I am still eating them. dariacarly and drgrumbles came later for pie.

Much foosball was watched, and I bet the under in the pack-lions game, dallas, parlayed the previous two, and hit on all, emboldening me to bet Denver in the night game, which also hit, making thanksgiving profitiable in dollars AND pie. I hated that the Cowboys won on T-day again.....but it was destined to happen as their opponents were hideously incompetent, so at least I could profit from it.

bridgetwannabe and avgwhiteman came by on Friday with their adorable little one. It was wonderful getting to spend time with them, which is getting fewer and further between. It's highly understandable that getting them to the Ensign mansion is tough, and heading to Jersey just hasn't been in the cards lately, but it doesn't mean I can't be greedy.

Saturday was over to celebree squeegibo and daraflower's house, which had many delicious pizzas. Of course, squeegibo is a fantastical chef, who will one day be on my payroll as a personal cook when I am a hojillionaire. There were many screaming toddlers there as well, and football.

The Caps won a thriller they had no bidness winning, and that too was awesome.

(7 fignuts | give a fig)

Saturday, November 21st, 2009
11:29 pm
It's like our planet, only better

I want to live here.

(give a fig)

Monday, November 16th, 2009
7:19 pm
iMeme - All of the death, no hate
Sort by song title
First song: Accident of Birth - Bruce Dickinson
Last song: Zed's dead/Bullwinkle pt 2 - Pulp Fiction Soundtrack

Sort by time
Shortest song: Jay's Chant - Clerks soundtrack (0:11) ....Jay is singing...or rapping...but if that doesn't count, then:
Underpants gnomes - South Park (0:18) - I made this my windows start up at one of my first jobs out of college.

Longest song: Karn Evil 9 - Emerson Lake & Palmer (35:19) (Longest studio track: Gates of Delirium by Yes (21:54))

Sort by album
First song: Thunderstruck - AC/DC (AC/DC Live: Collector's Edition[Disc 1])
Last song: Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Parts VI-IX) - Pink Floyd (Wish You Were Here)

Top 10 most played songs

1. Montsegur - Iron Maiden
2. Aces High - Iron Maiden
3. Paschendale - Iron Maiden *
4. Hail To The Redskins
5. It's A Long Way To The Top (If you want to rock and roll) - AC/DC
6. The Duelists - Iron Maiden
7. Hell Ain't A Bad Place To Be - AC/DC
8. The Prisoner - Iron Maiden
9. Die With Your Boots On - Iron Maiden
10. 2 Minutes to Midnight - Iron Maiden

*I played this and Motorhead's 1916 hourly as my own personal Armistice Day tribute this year. If you know any other serious modern songs that bring the rock that are World War One themed.....well.....next year's tribute could use some variety.

First 10 songs that come up on shuffle

1. The Jack - AC/DC (live in Edinburgh 1976)
2. Our House - Madness
3. Road To Hell - Bruce Dickinson
4. Karn Evil 9 (1st Impression) - Emerson, Lake & Palmer
5. High Voltage - AC/DC (live in Paris 1980)
6. Chewbacca - Supernova (Clerks soundtrack)
7. Invaders - Iron Maiden
8. Take A Pebble (conclusion) - Emerson, Lake & Palmer (live at Albert Hall)
9. R.U. Ready To Rock - Blue Oyster Cult
10. Roundabout - Yes

"sex"- how many songs come up?: 16 (12 of which are the sex pistols)
"love" - how many songs come up?: 40
"you" - how many songs come up?: 263, though I'm not sure where iTunes is getting it's information from
"death" - how many songs come up?: 22 (2 albums: Metallica's Death Magnetic and Iron Maiden's Dance of Death account for 21 of these......the 22nd is Metallica's Creeping Death)
"hate" - how many songs come up?: 0
"wish" - how many songs come up?: 5 (all of which are on Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here album)

(7 fignuts | give a fig)

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009
9:28 am
91 years

In a foreign field he lay
Lonely soldier, unknown grave
On his dying words he prays
Tell the world of Paschendale

Relive all that he's been through
Last communion of his soul
Rust your bullets with his tears
Let me tell you 'bout his years

Laying low in a blood filled trench
Killing time 'til my very own death
On my face I can feel the falling rain
Never see my friends again

In the smoke, in the mud and lead
Smell the fear and the feeling of dread
Soon be time to go over the wall
Rapid fire and the end of us all

Whistles, shouts and more gun fire
Lifeless bodies hang on barbed wire
Battlefield nothing but a bloody tomb
Be reunited with my dead friends soon

Many soldiers eighteen years
Drown in mud, no more tears
Surely a war no-one can win
Killing time about to begin

Home, far away
From the war, a chance to live again
Home, far away
But the war, no chance to live again

The bodies of ours and our foes
The sea of death it overflows
In no man's land, God only knows
Into jaws of death we go

Crucified as if on a cross
Allied troops they mourn their loss
German war propaganda machine
Such before has never been seen

Swear I heard the angels cry
Pray to god no more may die
So that people know the truth
Tell the tale of Paschendale

Cruelty has a human heart
Every man does play his part
Terror of the men we kill
The human heart is hungry still

I stand my ground for the very last time
Gun is ready as I stand in line
Nervous wait for the whistle to blow
Rush of blood and over we go

Blood is falling like the rain
Its crimson cloak unveils again
The sound of guns can't hide their shame
And so we die on Paschendale

Dodging shrapnel and barbed wire
Running straight at the cannon fire
Running blind as I hold my breath
Say a prayer symphony of death

As we charge the enemy lines
A burst of fire and we go down
I choke a cry but no-one hears
Fell the blood go down my throat

Home, far away
From the war, a chance to live again
Home, far away
But the war, no chance to live again

(give a fig)

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009
9:48 am
Somewhere in Detroit a church bell rings 29 times today

34 years ago today. If you have the time and wherewithal, watch this. Reposted from 2 years ago, it is beautifully done.

(give a fig)

Friday, November 6th, 2009
11:41 am
I hate my office, life

The pitcher

who looks like Mitch from Dazed and Confused....

Got busted on a pot charge. Because no one in my office follows baseball, nor has seen the movie Dazed and Confused. (Really? No one has seen this movie that's been on cable 100,000 times and is probably a top ten movie from the 90s....no one has seen this?) Because follows baseball NOR has seen the movie, the epic irony is absolutely wasted on everyone.

(1 fignut | give a fig)

9:13 am
That thing from yesterday


wigginx goes to the same websites I do, apparently.
That thing
was a bear that had some disease that made it lose it's fur.

(3 fignuts | give a fig)

Thursday, November 5th, 2009
12:48 pm
Vinz Clortho must be nearby

Can you guess what animal this is?

(8 fignuts | give a fig)

Monday, November 2nd, 2009
11:40 am
The grass is greener on the other side, just don't ask why.
More than half of the office is out with Swine Flu. Those of us that remain....all 3 of us.....we still have the whole office's workload to deal with. We are now wondering aloud if we'd be better off with the Swine flu, snug in our beds and not dealing with all this extra bullshit. Probably not. Pretty tempting though.

(3 fignuts | give a fig)

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009
1:37 pm
Sorry, but there's money to be made

This is so deliriously sad and sweet and heartstring pulling that I'll give even money that it's a hoax. Either way I urge you to take the time to read it. Am I too cynical? I think it's very, very possible.

(1 fignut | give a fig)

Friday, October 23rd, 2009
12:45 am
why yes, more philly stuff

Now....taxi surfing on the news may seem like a good idea.....

(3 fignuts | give a fig)

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